changes

today is going to be a huge change for the boys and mommy as we move out on our own. we are going to stay with my mom and then hopefully will have a place of our own soon. it's scary to go from a family of 4 to a family of 3 but i know that i am a strong person and can handle this. Plus i have lots of support from friends and family. I'm not so much worried about me but the boys and how they will adjust to not having daddy around. I am hoping they are young enough to not really notice to much, well at least i know Ethan is young enough. So i will be MIA for a while but will update when i am able to. so wish me luck and send tons prayers my way for a safe transition. Rena

i had to do it

i had to spank Harry this morning. I was in the kitchen and he was in the living room. Ethan was in his swing sleeping. I here Ethan screaming and when i walk around the corner from the kitchen Harry is on top of Ethan and Ethan's head is pushed forward. I snatched him off of Ethan and gave him 3 swats on the butt, put him on the couch and picked up Ethan to make sure he was ok. Once i was sure he was ok i went back to Harry and told him mommy love's him but he can not do that. He needs to be gentle with Ethan. I'm not sure what he understands but he can't do that. He hasn't messed with him since we first brought Ethan home. I felt like a bad mommy but i don't know how else to get him to stop. I don't like spanking but what other chooses do i have. any one reading this who has a suggestion i'd appreciate it greatly. I did take Harry to McDonald's and to the park thinking that maybe he was feeling neglected by me. I had to bring Ethan with but I don't think Harry minded since he had mommy. I guess thats the end of this post. thanks for reading. Rena

can i just say

I LOVE being a mom. I feel so needed and loved, by my boys at least. I strive every day to let them know and to show them that i love them with all my heart.

i'm so bad

i was reading something and all i could think was here's your sign. Ever think some one does something so stupid that you want to hand them a sign? Well maybe they learned there lesson and wont be so stupid next time. I know that's bad of me to think and say but it is what it is.

I'm a failure

Well at least i feel like one. I was not able to breast feed my baby. I did give him 3 weeks of mommy milk but then when all his pain and crying started, i thought i was the cause of his pain. May be something i was eating was causing it, so i stopped pumping and giving him what i pumped. While it was not a lot of milk i was getting out he was at least getting some of milk. So i failed him.

Colic sucks

Poor Baby Ethan has colic along with gas issues. It just breaks my heart to hear him cry in such pain. Last night was the worst night for him and I am hoping and praying that, that is the only night we have like that. I took him to the pedi because I had no idea what was wrong with him. His pedi is a wonderful woman and gave me some suggestions I can use to comfort him. She gave him a full look over and the only thing she found wrong with him was his belly button is infected. I still wonder if that could be the cause of some of his pain. We go back next week for a well baby check up and I am hoping it's much better. My mom took Harry home with her so Ethan and I could rest and relax. Can I just say I love my mommy. She is a wonderful grandma and mom.

If i had to choose

Since i don't have many readers i thought it would be safe to post this in my blog.If i ever had to choose between my babies or my husband i would choose my babies. Why because they need me. Things have changed between my hubby and i. We seem to be fighting more often again and he makes me feel guilty for protecting my babies. I hate to see them get hurt so i am always telling Harry to be careful, watch what you are doing, don't do that. I would think any mother would do the same to protect her little ones. I know they have to make mistakes and some times get hurt but they are so little i want to protect them. I hope the changes between hubby and i are just a adjustment stage. I guess only time will tell. sorry if this is just a ramble.